This weekend I had the pleasure of spending some time alone. My boyfriend went away to visit a friend and without any plans except to teach my yoga classes, I was left with some time to be by myself. I can’t tell you how much I savor alone time, maybe too much. Prior to being in my current relationship, I spent a lot of time alone and for the first two years that my boyfriend and I dated, we spent it in a long distance relationship, where we maybe saw each other 3-5 days per month. So now that we’re living together, these short spans of alone time that I get, I really enjoy and make the most of it, even if that means just lying in bed reflecting on my day in complete quiet and stillness.
There was a period in my life when I didn’t like spending time by myself. It was a very lonely time for me. I felt like something was missing. The thoughts, the silence, it all scared me. I look back at that time now and realize how desperately I needed to get in touch with my true self. Many things were missing….I wasn’t happy with my career, my long-term relationship and my friendships. I made it worse by filling up my life with empty things such as hanging out with people who didn’t necessarily bring me up, coffee, alcohol and cigarettes.
I was scared to be alone with myself. I didn’t like who I had become. So, as challenging as it was, I knew something had to change and that change was me. I felt like I was starting over again. Filling in the missing pieces, creating myself anew and making myself whole again, the healing process began.
I began by doing things that warmed my heart, that made me feel good. I journaled, I did yoga, I cooked, I took myself on movie dates, I read inspirational books, I walked and got to know my city, I danced in my living room, I hung out with people who made me laugh. I also started to ask myself some tough questions that perhaps I was avoiding in the past. What was I scared of? What did I need to let go of? Who did I need to forgive? What did I want to do with my life? What kind of person did I want to spend the rest of my life with? And instead of running away from my fears, I moved towards them with trust and openness.
You can be alone without feeling lonely. And you can still feel lonely being amongst a group of people. The difference is you and what you choose to do about it. Move towards the people and things that you love, and that make you feel good. Be honest with yourself. Can you look yourself in the mirror and honestly say that you really like yourself, and to go even further, love yourself? If you truly love yourself, you’ll have no problem spending time with yourself.
On that note, here’s a video that I really love that is on the subject of being alone. It’s by singer/songwriter/poet Tanya Davis. Enjoy!